Bob Dylan?! OMFG!!

Not sure all that tumbleweed hanging around my blog of late is doing my quest for more followers any good!  Alas, i have plenty of news!  Since i last updated i have been to Paris and Amsterdam, held a chav-tastic party in which many an alcoholic beverage was consumed, won a Googlely award, met Bob Geldof (kinda) and got a new flatmate!  So yuh, i guess i should elaborate!

Firstly, Paris. It was great - we did all the touristy stuff minus that cliche hop on/hop off montrosity on wheels that carts the tourists aroound.  Sure enough, we still looked like tourists as we clutched our 3 day metro pass on the way to the Effiel Tower or somesuch, but boy it was fun.  Joey was in his element and immediately took charge of the metro map...tracing his finger along the various coloured lines that eluded me, and stood upright declaring "Right, perfect!" and pulled me in whatever direction we needed to go. This was fine with me, I was not required to do any thinking whatsoever. Another thing about the metro, its full of interesting people!  Theres the dude who sings John Lennon in each carriage, theres the girl with questionable (bt admittedly awesome) fashion sense, theres the friendly old lady who loves deafies, theres the fighting couple and theres the people who give us much amusement with the jerking of the head thing they do as they fall asleep and their head lolls about looking for a pillow (bless!)

The Parisians love their deafies they do - we got free fastrack passes to Disneyland (nothing like looking smug as you bypass the 100 minute queue on the other side!), free drinks (befriending barmen with deaf relatives = win) and generally being really helpful and unpatrionising when we needed something but the thick french accent was getting in the way.  J'adore Parisians!

Amsterdam was lovely too - the sun was always shining, the food was good and the wine even better, and i even tried space cake!  Alas, it had no effect on me. for those who aren't in the know, its cake (brownie, muffin, anything with a 'cakey' consistency really) with a healthy dose of marijuana.  Of course, the damn thing had no effect on me (much like the smoke i tried in Feb this year) whilst the other two were positively hopping from the effects.  FFS.

Aside from marijuana fails, i held a chav party at the start of October which saw all my party people grab their trackie bottoms, fake tan, hoop earrings and helmets (FYI, the latter mention was for my baby bump effect).  The craic was mighty and i met a few new faces - bonding in the name of chav innit.

The last two weeks have seen a new arrival in the form of Stef, a Romanian Googler who has moved in.  She's like a Romanian version of me - has her finger in a lot of pies, loves charity work (she practically swooned at my 'toilet twinning' certificate, bless!) and is into keeping shipshape.  Result!  Will be interesting to see how it all turns out over the next few weeks, but so far so good!

Last week saw the arrival of the second sales conference for Google.  The whole thing was quite tame compared to last year's jaunt in Kilarney but it was good all the same, for two reasons.  One: i could finally follow what was going on "we have lots of money! money money money!!" thanks to the interpretor i'd booked for the the conference (hurrah to Lisa!) and secondly, i won the 'Big G' all Star Award! Its basically for being Googley and making google a fun place to work (their words not mine!).  I'm pretty chuffed, who wouldn't want a big shiny star for being fun?! Although i have to say, when my Moma pic (googley speak for your 'employee' pic or ID) flashed up, a lil part of me died inside.  Y'see my moma pic is of that dark preiod when i walked the corridors looking much like a mushroom as I didnt pay attention to edwoard scissorhands in Peter Marks, choosing to concentrate on the latest goings on in Cheryle Cole's lovelife as depicted by OK! magazine.  Added to that, the angle makes me look like overdid the crunchies.  Ah well, i won an award, no time for vanity!  Oh and Bob Geldof turned up at one point, told his life story and gave a rousing speech of sorts about greed and doing your bit for the world.  This would be cool except i kept confusing him with Bob Dylan in my texts to non-googlers, prompting much confusion.

Thems the happs!  Thank you for reading, if you made it to the end consider yourself a BBBBBFFFFFF, the highest honour i award to readers.

A word from Woody...

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!


- Woody Allen

Leaving on a jet plane

So i found out that my lil sis (ok shes only one year younger but the 'lil' makes her sound all cute and cuddly) is off to the Big Apple in October.  Dear readers, i think i just turned a pale shade of green. Not only because she will be in New York for Halloween - New Yorkers know how to do a good costume, fact - but also because, well...its New York! So good they named it twice and all that jazz.  I've been twice already during which I got fat (but happy) on Magnolia's Cupcakes, perved shamelessly at Abercrombie models, wandered wide-eyed around Greenwich Village in a 'oh-its-so-bohemian-i-could-totally-live-here-and-eat-outside-expensive-cafes-with-my-trilby-and-fellow-bohemians" kinda way. And oh, you haven't lived until you've been to Max Brenner's Chocolate Restaurant in Union Square.  Myself and mother Bleakley stumbled across this one by accident (Lonely Planet, you can keep your guidebooks) and even though we had just eaten an hour beforehand, we decided that being the Bleakleys we were, we had a special compartment in our respective stomachs reserved just for chocolate. Christ alive it was glorious, even though it took a good two months worth of spin classes and laps in the pool to compensate for the calories.  So yes, as soon as the sis has a couch sorted i'll be there with bells on, clutching my Max Brenner reservation.  

Other news, Joey managed to let slip that he's taking me to Paris! tray tray exciting non?!  I'm beside myself at the thought of getting to meet Mickey Mouse (my favourite mouse of all the mice i'll have you know) and most of all,  having a good belly laugh at Joey's 'rollercoaster face' in the photos...which i imagine to be something like this 

Off to Belfast this weekend to see my girls and to drain my bank account of all dignity in Victoria Square - should be a good 'un after this week in which my to-do list seemed to re-populate as soon as i managed to tick anything off.  FFS.  I also get to coo at the girls swanky new flat and gorge myself in fifteens.  I still don't get the lack of love in Dublin for a good fifteen, so i will shamelessly plug them right here, to all 3 of my readers *cough*.  Go treat yourself to this lovely marshmallow-y, biscuit-y goodness dear readers, in a mere 10 mins eternal happiness is yours!

My toilet has a twin!

'tis as random as a sock in a pickle factory alright, but earlier today i decided that just as we humans need a special someone to walk along the beach with or feed us spaghetti, our standard bog needs to feel he's not alone in the world.  So, imagine my surprise when I stumbled across toilettwinning.org run by the lovely people at Tearfund who literally want to flush away poverty.  I'm all for a bit of philanthropy to brighten up the daily humdrum of life, especially when charities think outside the box and come up with a gem of an idea like this one.  For a mere 60 squid, your toilet is 'twinned' with another in Burgundi, Africa, and a shiny certificate stating the same is winging its way to me right this moment.  

Now my guests will have something to muse on whilst they answer the call of nature, and I now have a tray tray amusing fact to share at dinner parties.  Actually, i'm going to start throwing dinner parties just so i can regale my fellow guests with this little nugget.  I can point it out on Google Maps using the grid reference i receive should said dinner guests choose not believe me and remain transfixed on their beef wellington. Fools.

Whats more, Paul Daniels has a toilet twin according to the site.  If its good enough for Mr Daniels.....

Self-improvement, Enrique and squatting!

So theres all manners of things i should be doing now; packing, paying bills, washing my sunday bests so i have something half decent and co-ordinated to wear at the weekend, feeding myself and remembering to buy some mouthwash on the way home from work (doh!).

Jebus, i really should get a hobby to break up all this excitement.  Oh speaking of which, i'm going to grace the RDS with my presence this Sunday since finding out that the Course Expo 2010 runs this weekend (*fanfare*).  This is a not-so-subtle attempt to inject some pizzazz into my weekdays since I found that I was looking forward to the weekends way too much at the expense of the 4 other days that we have to make up our calendars.  It goes like this: Sunday, urgh-day, meh-day, pah-day, humph-day....FRIDAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!.  Not good huh? So lads, i'm going to get me some skills and learn something new for one day a week.  Ah yes, another string to my bow what with my juggling, knowledge of the offside rule and ability to slam a revolving door.  Some people would die happy with that i guess, but i'm going to have a shot at something new.

I had my Norn Iron girls over at the weekend for some banter which was long overdue.  My best friend has fallen in love: cue lots of inappropriate questions about the awl fella in in a blatant attempt to verify that he is indeed not a carbon copy of the last one (who i will admit, i didn't warm to...).  Indeed, he sounds really rather lovely!  Not so lovely, was the dude at the bar on Friday night who fancied himself as a bit of an Enrique Inglesias, grabbing my sis onto the dancefloor, slobbering all over her.  Well, colour me unimpressed. I think sis found the whole overprotective sister act quite amusing, but let me tell you, when i made a beeline for the two of them just as he was leaning towards her face with his slobbery face, i was a woman on a mission.  Managed to rescue the girl, night was salvaged.

The flatmate has taken herself off to America for a bit of state-hopping fun (i'm not jealous at all. obviously.) Which means i have Number 19 all to myself!  First thing i did was dig out the trainers, make some Rachael-shaped space in the living room, and pop my Davina McCall fitness DVD in.  It was one of those 'can't-face-the-gym-but-need-to-sweat' days, and on days like that, Davina's yer woman.  I squatted, crunched and star-jumped my way to fabulousness....and then ruined it all with a Galaxy Ripple afterwards. As much as i love Davina, it does tick me right off when she tries to be one of us mere mortals; the woman has abs you could do your washing on yet she still pretends she's about to double over in pain by the time shes done two measely crunches.  For added authenticity, she does that weird gurning thing with her face.  who are you trying to kid darlin'.  

   

When I'm 65....

....ima gona take a leaf out of this lady's book and give it sum in the bakery aisle in Tescos.

Big news lads, I'm going on holiday with a boy.  Yes, a BOY!!  I will leave a pause here for my dear readers to contemplate this revelation.......





........all good? OK great.  So yeah, Joey earned himself a truckload of boyfriend points today when he had a "what the hell" moment and booked a flight for the two of us to somewhere faraway and fabulous.  Have already been placing bets with Picardo, Stevenson and others as to where I will be on 23rd September (dun dun duuuuuuuunnnn!) but my money is on somewhere beginning with 'K' or 'R' or 'P'.  Yes, thats a legit bet dammit. I'm so excited i may have done a little dance while no-one was watching.